3 Jars of Peanut Butter

home sweet home

this post has the potential of becoming painfully nostalgic and corny, so i’ll try and keep it as brief as possible. first i want to take a sentence or two and thank y’all for reading these. it’s strange having five months worth of life that no one from my american life will ever fully understand. thank you for keeping up with what i was up to in chile, and for allowing me to attempt to put words to what i experienced there. 

and now back to me. i’m home! currently sitting in bidwell perk, with my hands wrapped around a mug of hot coffee. made from bidwell blend coffee beans, not nescafe powder. i’m shoved in next to a lit tree, and you can just barely hear the christmas music above the sound of students cramming for finals. and i couldn’t be happier. i love chico. i love my family. i love being home in a place where i know and am known. and where there is an entire kitchen stocked with all the ingredients needed to bake for hours. 

but leaving chile was not easy. i was ready to come home. i can’t imagine being anywhere but here for the holidays. but saying goodbye to the host family that had taken me in as a daughter and to the country that had shown me and taught me so much was anything but easy. when i left five months ago, i had no idea what to expect from my semester abroad. and it far surpassed anything i could have possibly imagined. 

some of the best and worst moments of my life occurred in chile. all of the once in a lifetime experiences. dawn fog over machu picchu. sledding down the side of a snow covered active volcano. biking from winery to winery in mendoza. hiking alongside turquoise lakes and jagged peaks in patagonia. 

but just as vivid, equally amazing, and far more numerous, are the day-to-day it’s-tuesday-morning-and-i’m-going-class type of memories. the kind that gather together after five months of living life. nights spent lingering over tea with my host family. far too many pesos spent at the ice cream store on san martin. conversations held on twelve hour bus rides. pairs of shoes worn out from miles walked and ran along the beach and in the cerros of valparaíso. sharing life stories over terremotos at cafe baul on cinco norte. shivering up the side of a mountain in the snowy darkness. many an empanada. cramming five into a double bed for a two am showing of forrest gump. uncontrollable tears. face-burning embarrassment. hysterical laughter. 

i come back from chile not at all fluent, but at long last more or less comfortable with the subjunctive verb form. i leave behind a second family, and return with the phone numbers and emails of new friends scattered across the country and around the world. and so begins the process of “reentry,” as they call it. of trying to slip back into my chico and denver worlds after five months away. i’ve changed and so have they. and figuring out how to live life here after all that i’ve learned there will undoubtedly be a process. one that will likely last a lot longer that my chilean tan in the frigid northern hemisphere winter. i don’t know what these coming weeks and months will look like. i look forward to spending my most favorite time of year with my family and friends before heading back to denver for two last quarters as a du undergrad. but beyond that, i have no idea what the father has in store for me. but along with the thousands of pictures and hours of stories that i carried back with me from south america, i return home ever increasingly confident in the strength and love of my god. and so i step forward into this new season excited for the abundant life he is sure to provide. 

and that’s all i have to say about that. 

a walk in the park

i think my ankles are stained brown from the dirt that accumulated on my body during the week backpacking in patagonia. i scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower this morning, but to no avail. a small price to pay for the trip of a lifetime. i could try to describe torres del paine national park. attempt to put words to the turquoise blue of the lakes and the vastness of the glaciers and the jagged peaks covered in snow and the dramatic weather that made it all the more impressive. i could do my best to recount the full gamut of emotions and experiences we had while on trail, from mouth-open astonishment at the wonder of this part of creation to the pain and exhaustion felt trudging up that one last hill after a sixteen mile day. but it would all fall short. so here are some pictures that won’t at all do the trip justice, but sure will come a whole lot closer.

our first view driving into the park

forget forest fire warnings. apparently the planet’s largest hole in the ozone layer sits right above the park. it’s like speed tanning. 

day 1: two hours of hiking and three hours of laying in my sleeping bag napping in the sun.

i really love meadows

icebergs!

glacier grey

los cuernos 

throughout the day there were falling avalanches of ice and snow that sounded just like thunder

day hike in the french valley

los cuernos

guanacos

success! las torres. five days and fifty miles later. 

an incredible trip. i can’t imagine a better way to finish off the semester. and now i’m bustling around, trying to cram as much time in with my host family as possible and attempting to perform a suitcase packing miracle before flying home saturday. 

school’s out

i didn’t receive a letter from hogwarts on my eleventh birthday, and have therefore never been forced to endure potions class with a perpetually grumpy snape. but i can say without a doubt, at one point in her life, j.k. rowling visited viña del mar and stepped foot into the shop on the corner of arlegui and ecuador streets. and from there she received the inspiration for snape’s dungeon classroom. the place is lined with canisters and boxes and jars and cartons and crates, all filled with strange and unidentifiable powders and foods. the food part being debatable. and the smells. i won’t even attempt to describe them. but this store reputably has the least expensive almonds and raisins in town. and why did i buy a kilo of pasas rubias this afternoon?

because i’m going to PATAGONIA!!!! this morning i turned in an eighteen page research paper on autism and education, and officially finished my studies at la catolica. hello summer break! obviously the only reasonable thing to do is to leave sunny and beachy viña for a week of backpacking alongside glaciers in the torres del paine national park! we have an absurd amount of food and almost no plan, so clearly it’s going to be an incredible time! 

here’s a little preview of what we will be seeing

pretty ugly, huh? 

oh, and while i was avoiding said research paper, i headed over to santiago for the day. i’ve been in chile for five months and have managed to do a goose egg of santiago things. seeing as it’s the capital, i couldn’t leave without paying at least a short visit.

cerro santa lucia

high school friends. reunited in south america. life is funny.

ah-mazing cathedral. terrible picture.

super random FREE jazz concert in the really smelly really sketchy market

día de acción de gracias

i’m not a huge fan of turkey. and on my list of favorite foods, well, mashed potatoes isn’t even on there. and stuffing? why would you ever willingly eat soggy bread? that’s like leaving cereal in milk for an hour and then coming back to eat breakfast. it’s just silly. however, despite my lack of appreciation for the actual food, i absolutely love thanksgiving. 

yesterday was a little like thanksgiving. when i was getting off the micro for class, i got a front row seat for the parade. or rather, the march. of angry students. and there was football on at my house. well, fútbol, not football. and it was super windy in valparaiso, so i was at long last able to enjoy the leaves/palm fronds falling. basically autumn. but the best part of my chilean thanksgiving was the meal. 

last night was our cena de despedida, or going away dinner. as of yesterday afternoon, we are officially done with the study part of our time abroad. save for a few lingering assignments. so as a closure to the semester, we were invited to a feast at the yacht club with our mamás as our last group event. no turkey involved. i might have missed my thanksgiving favorites of sparkling apple cider and apple pie, but chile outdid itself. pineapple and raspberry juice, seafood and empanada appetizers, mushroom crepes, chicken cordon bleu, and a huge dessert table covered with chirimoya, manjar mousse, lucuma layer cake, and a beautiful death by chocolate cake. all shared with my adopted family and friends. couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend a distinctly american holiday in a distinctly not american country. 

week eighteen

the final project for my spanish language class is a video of us interviewing chileans about a cultural aspect that we’ve noticed in the last four months. my friend and i are investigating empanadas. mostly because i wanted to eat a bunch of them and call it homework. today we hit the streets of viña to ask random strangers about their opinions on this traditional food. i’ve been dreading this aspect of the assignment for weeks. i hate talking to desconocidos. but i have to admit, it turned out to be quite the enjoyable experience. two hours and five conversations later, we had been given pieces of candy, three compliments for our language skills, a lecture on poor chilean nutrition (could not agree more), and an old family secret for making the perfect empanada. 

in our study abroad handbook it says to expect to go places you never thought you’d go. that’s happened a lot this semester. but especially this week. on sunday night i got a call from my bestie down here in chile, telling me that her dad had died a few hours earlier while they were touring santiago. i hopped on a bus headed that way shortly thereafter, weeping for this dear family’s loss and feeling entirely inadequate for the situation. the next day, as we passed through the metal detectors at the united states embassy, i thought, this would definitely qualify as one of those unexpected places.

it’s been a rough week. but from this end of things looking back, i can say with confidence that god is merciful. and god is good. 

 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.  Isaiah 43:1-3

many parts of these past days were nightmarish. but there was also a lot of laughter, a lot of smiles, and a lot of unexpected joy. here are some pictures of the better moments of the last week or so. 

sunday morning we were supposed to meet at a bus stop at 7am to catch a micro to la campana to go hiking. at 715 i woke up to my phone ringing and andrew asking where i was. warm and cozy in my bed is what i wanted to reply. but because it was his birthday, i told him i’d be there as soon as possible. in twenty minutes i got dressed, packed a lunch, brushed my teeth, made my bed, ate a banana, brushed my teeth again, and walked/trotted/ran/taxied over to the meeting place. twenty minutes. most impressive thing i’ve ever done.

we were already in santiago, so we decided we might as well meet our friends for the chile vs. paraguay world cup qualifying game. why we are already preparing for a competition that won’t be happening for another two years is beyond me. but it was a grand time. chile won 2-0 in an exciting match. and we got to see alexi sanchez, fresh off the plane from barcelona, playing for his homeland. people joke that soccer is religion for chile. they’re not exaggerating very much.

“vamos…vamos chilenos…esta noche..tenemos que ganar!”

an entire stadium screaming the national anthem

CHI…LE…CHI CHI CHI…LE LE LE…VIVA CHILE

GOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!!  utter pandemonium. 

empanadas are the best way to say goodbye 

joy. pure joy.

heading to hogsmeade

i’m not a huge fan of viña del mar. occasionally i describe living here as having the life sucked out of my soul. the dementor effect if you will. it’s really not that bad, but i’m just not that fond of living in a city. and it’s not a very pretty city. lots of pavement and apartments and slightly run down buildings. it’s the resort town of an almost developed country that is trying really hard to be attractive to tourists. but the gold leaf is peeling back to show the plain old wood behind. there are definitely pretty parts, but they are often marred by spray paint and dog droppings and food wrappers. and after living in places that have amazing parks and gorgeous trees…well, what could possibly compare?

 fortunately, valparaíso is 113 pesos and ten short minutes away on the metro. if we’re continuing with the harry potter theme, then valparaíso is the honeyduke’s and zonko’s joke shop of chile. still a city. still developing. still filled with cement and ramshackle buildings and an utter disregard for trash bins. however the winding cobblestone streets of the hills are bursting with character. there is gorgeous european style architecture, funky shops and cafes, brightly painted houses, and incredible murals of graffiti. whenever the routine and monotony and suburbia of viña del mar combine to feel like hogwarts under the rule of umbridge, i make the point of journeying down to valpo for a change of pace and an attitude adjustment. monday was such a day.

But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel. In the desert they gave into their craving; in the wasteland they put God to the test. Psalm 106: 13-14. those silly israelites. constantly forgetting what God had done for them and complaining and rebelling and trying to do life their own way. so often this is my thought while reading through the old testament. and inmediatamente i realize that i’m daily guilty of the exact same thing. i forget all that god had done in the past four months. all the blessings, all the mercies, all the little miracles. and i ask for more, i put him to the test. i judge and scoff at the israelites for their unbelief and unfaithfulness, while i doubt my father in heaven right alongside them. i doubt his purposes and his faithfulness and his wisdom. i try to take control of my life and i expect more and more from the father, without realizing all that i have already been given. that silly emily.

fortunately god does not hold my unbelief against me. instead, i’ve found that he is more than willing to remind me of all his glory and mercy and grace whenever my own faith takes a stumble. as i turn a blind eye to the blessings already bursting from the seams of my day, and instead ask for more joy, he gladly lavishes me with it. be it a familiar song on the loudspeaker of the metro, a chocolate bar delivered to me by my host father while studying, the sun bursting through a cloudy day, an encouraging word from a good friend, or girasoles painted on the drain pipe of a building in valpo, the lord is more than happy to remind me of his goodness.

One thing God has spoken,

 two things I have heard:

that you, O God, are strong,

and that you, O Lord are loving.

Psalm 62:11

mendoza

chileans don’t respect the sanctity of the line. at all. there is no such thing as patiently waiting in single file order. i think that’s why they use the number system to such a ridiculous extent. otherwise the pharmacy would be mad chaos. not to mention the cheese counter. things could get ugly. on friday night my friends and i are were waiting at the terminal for our overnight bus to mendoza, argentina. as soon as the correct bus pulled into the gate, a stampede of jostling, shoving, elbow throwing chileans surged forward to check their luggage and board the bus. i was pushed out of my place by no less than ten people. a very docile looking woman hip checked me in her rush to put her winnie the pooh embroidered suitcase in the storage space. i really don’t understand. we have assigned seats. it actually doesn’t matter at what point you board. 

after the great bus battle of 2011 we finally made it to our seats. our quick seven hour trip turned into a twelve hour journey as we joined the mass exodus of chileans headed to mendoza for the long weekend. five hours spent at the border. not my idea of a great time. never will i ever complain about airport security as long as i live. 

i love mendoza. in chile, i’ve grown accustomed to trash littering the streets and stray dogs chasing my heels while i run. but mendoza trades both of those in for beautiful tree lined streets, gorgeous plazas, boutique and café lined streets, and a gigantic park. and the food. amazing pastries and ice cream and real coffee and steak and pasta and wine. not to mention that one of my good friends from du is studying there, and was free to show us around her city. all in all, an excellent weekend.

buying alfajores (dulce de leche sandwiched between two wafery cookies covered in chocolate)

empanada lesson = free food and a new skill

parque san martin

wine tour

once upon a time wine was stored in here

a whole lotta wine

biking from winery to winery

not gonna not order a triple scoop

heading back through the argentine andes

this can’t be real life

spring in the andes

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.  Psalm 103:8-13

quitting school to become a pro gambler

there is a ruby tuesday’s going in down the street. between pizza hut, starbucks, mcdonald’s and this new addition, it’s almost like i never left america. and then the construction workers remodeling the building tell me i’m very pritty. bootiful even. “like a barbie.” definitely still in south america.

yesterday there was a national strike of colectivo drivers. which caused major traffic issues in santiago, but wasn’t too noticeable here. however, due to the lack of public transportation, there were very few families at teletón. to pass the time, the other chilean volunteers taught me how to play a game. basically scattergories without the cool dice. great, i love that game. they even told me i could play in english if i wanted. two languages at my disposal. money in the bank. round one was the letter C. the first column was fruits and vegetables. c…c…c…c…ch? ca? c..c…c… time’s up. nothing. carrots? cucumber? cauliflower? even spanish. coco? cebolla? endless possibilities. but absolutely nothing. and so the game progressed. spanish and english did battle in my brain, and i ended the game 1450 points behind the winner.

speaking of strikes, a lil’ update on the education situation. students at my university resumed classes this week! they’ll continue participating in marches and demonstrations, but have officially resumed the semester. the other two universities in the city are still on strike, and tomorrow is another day designated for national marches. i still haven’t been inside my actual university since that first day of class three months ago, but maybe by the end of the semester we’ll have returned. baby steps.

when i got home yesterday afternoon i settled into my desk for some quality study time. aka skype chatting a friend from denver, listening to these hilarious spanish language podcasts that i recently downloaded, spending some time with jesus, getting a snack, buying a flight to patagonia, checking facebook, and cleaning my out my camera’s memory card. i was just getting ready to crack open the spanish novel i have to somehow complete in the next three weeks when my host dad popped into my room. gringa, let’s go. where are we going? don’t worry about it. grab your sweater and your camera. quick. good thing my memory card is ready. next thing i know we’re hopping on a micro.

turns out wednesday is race day at the stadium. and i must say, watching horses sprint around a track is surprisingly entertaining. i even managed to pick the winning horse. if i was a betting woman, which i am not, i would have won a hefty sum of cash yesterday afternoon. and even better than the races is the people watching. boy oh boy.

winner winner chicken dinner

ironically, this morning was one of those days where chile didn’t feel like where i wanted to be. and i’m once again reminded that i can’t live by how i feel in a given moment. because my feelings change as fast as the sun burns off the fog that made this morning less than welcoming. or as quickly as my luck would change if actually did start betting on horses. i have to base my life on truth, not on my circumstances or my geographic location or the amount of blue sky visible out my window. and so this quote from oswald chambers. nailing it once again. what a guy. Wherever the providence of God may dump us down, in a slum, in a shop, in the desert, we have to labour along the line of His direction. Never allow this thought—“I am of no use where I am,” because you certainly can be of no use where you are not! Wherever He has engineered your circumstances, pray. father thank you that today i wake up in chile. that i’m not haphazardly here, but that you placed me here for a reason. may i live out the plan you have for my life, and may i bring you glory here in viña del mar and wherever else you take me.

pumpkins and poppies

the clicky button thing on my laptop isn’t working very well. every time i open my computer i have the unreasonable hope that it will have healed itself overnight. so far not the case. and whenever i try to drag something to the trash or highlight part of a paper, i have a minor anxiety attack when it takes two or three attempts at success. haven’t seen a lot of apple stores in chile, so this could be problematic.

autumn is without a doubt my favorite time of the year. first off, the silly silent “n” makes it a cool word. but also, what’s not to love about bright oranges and reds and yellows, crisp mornings, carving pumpkins, pomegranates, and thanksgiving (more importantly apple pie). i have the supreme good fortune of living in two cities with wonderful falls. and just when denver is turning snowy and cold and the crunchy leaves are traded in for ice, i head home to chico for thanksgiving, and autumn is still in full swing. 

chile is in the southern hemisphere. aka autumn in the states means spring down here south of the equator. which means i have to go a whole year without the smell of burning leaves and funny shaped squash and trader joe’s hot apple cider and beating my brother in another run for food. not too pleased about this situation. 

spring in chile means that time is passing. when i got here in july, time crawled by. like a snail. or a sloth. or an equally slow creature. a semester seemed like eternity. the only time i was ever warm was when i was risking third degree burns at the hands the temperamental calefont. the ocean was slate gray, and i wrapped my feet around my computer charger to maintain feeling in my toes. eating ice cream meant risking hypothermia, though i valiantly took the challenge. 

but now the seasons are changing. and from this end of october, it no longer feels like so much time. i register for next quarter’s classes on tuesday. on my computer desktop i have a file full of links to potential nannying jobs. i’m in the middle of an email conversation with the director of the teaching program talking about scheduling issues. my american life is seeping into my chilean life. which means that my time here is limited. and when i get past missing family and friends and jack the-world’s-best-dog and the comforts of home, i realize how much i’ve come to love this country. and how difficult it is going to be to leave. time seems to be flying by, and i’m dragging my feet, begging it to ease up a little. most days.

but some mornings when i wake up i’m really tired. and sometimes the spanish isn’t coming so easily. and then i go to the kitchen and there still isn’t real coffee. and then i’m off to yet another painfully boring hour and a half of history and film in the longest semester of classes ever. and it’s hard to remember all the things i love about chile. i lose sight of the blessings and gifts that have been given to me. and fall into discontent. and start counting weeks.

time, oh time. i’d love to say that this battle with time is an isolated event. but sadly it is not. whether it be flying too fast or creeping too slow, rarely am i satisfied with the speed of the clock. the other day i found myself wishing time would do both of the above within the course of minutes. and was disgusted with myself. here i am, in CHILE for crying out loud. actually a dream come true. i am so blessed to be here. i have been given the opportunity of a lifetime to live in a foreign country for a semester, learning a new language and living a new culture. how could i be so consumed by the pace of the calendar. and so i discovered the root of my discontentedness.(is that a word?). 

a lack of thanksgiving. the ingratitude of my heart selfishly wants more, or different. and wants it now. i have so much to be grateful for. i can’t even begin to list all the gifts i receive from our merciful God. i tried. and the result was a cramped hand and significantly less blank pages in my journal. and that was only a scratch on the surface. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonias 5:18. this is my prayer for the rest of my time in chile. and forever for that matter. that i would live not out of want and greed and selfish desire, but out of thanksgiving, cognizant of the innumerable ways that i’m daily blessed by the Lord. and as a result, living in the today. not looking to tomorrow, or next week or next month. but living out the blessings and gifts of the present. not wrestling with time, but living out every moment of every day.

forgetting about crunchy leaves and enjoying spring in valparaíso. celebrating that every unoccupied place of the city is bursting with snapdragons, poppies and wildflowers. and giving thanks that beach worthy days are becoming more and more frequent. and thanks for the brilliant sparkling blue of the ocean. and for the smell of red ripe strawberries coming from the fruit stands on every corner.

sunny with a high of 75