he said, she said
1. “very short. we’re cutting off lots.” very comforting mr. hairdresser as you hack off huge chunks of my hair. you sure know how to set your clients at ease as you snip away.
2. “are you from a different country? you sound funny,” asks a little boy as we color pictures of smurfs. why yes, yes i am. now pretty please with sugar on top speak a little slower so i can try to understand what exactly happened to your cousin’s friend’s cat.
3. “you little piggy!”-mi mamá cries as she finds me eating a banana with peanut butter. don’t judge me, i see how much sugar you put in your coffee. to each her own.
4. “we so happy you here. you come back every week,” says a man in near perfect english as we walk out of church. i will do my best.
5. “that’s the part that makes you fat.”- mi hermana in response to why they pull out the fluffy middle of rolls. i express my indignation that they are wasting the best part, and now receive a pile of white airy crustless bread at the start of every meal.
6. “you’re doing it wrong. this way is better.” corrects the middle aged stranger as i do lunges on the beach. complete with a demonstration.
7..“la culpa de la gringa!”- easily the phrase most shouted, snickered and whispered by mi papá. i take the blame for everything. everything. the water boils over in the kitchen. my bad. the prices for water raise. oops, i’m sorry. earthquake in peru. i didn’t meant to? and the look of glee on his face, you’d think it was a new joke every time.
